• Is the Universe Mad at You?

    Good morning fellow bloggers, writers, content reviewers and so on! As we enter the joyous time of year known as the holiday season, many will find it overwhelming.

    Just know that you are not alone! Sure we can all smile and laugh but it’s only at the surface isn’t it? It’s easy to disguise the disembodied experience your having from people who are not looking.

    At the holidays even in a room full of people, I always feel more alone than when I’m actually by myself. I don’t know why really. I have the sensation that I have detached from my body, that is robotically going through the motions, while I watch from a distance.

    I suspect it is because I never feel “good enough” for people. Growing up, it was never enough. Grades were never good enough. I didn’t do well enough in sports. And they never understood why I stayed in choir when I couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

    Also, chores were never done sufficiently enough. At family gatherings I was expected to sit but not speak other than the usual formalities of greeting people. I had no cousins close in age so no life long confidants to hold secrets. No outside friends either as both parents are alcoholics. So I didn’t go there and they for sure didn’t come to my house.

    This detachment carries on as an adult. Even as an adult, I never feel “good enough.” I never make enough money. My education isn’t good enough. My job skills aren’t good enough. Me just in general, is never good enough. And I have tried to have friends but have invariably been stabbed in the back more than once. So at this point, most everything I do is duty and I only have acquaintances. This is not to appear to be a good person.

    No I do this duty for the love of Jesus. As a believer and follower of Jesus and His teachings I am simply trying to be worthy.

    Yes, I know that works do not get you into heaven or whatever term you choose to use for the next part the life journey. But I have finally reached a time in my life where there is no more chaos, fighting, abuse (mental or physical) and I can step back and be thankful. I can be helpful.

    I can do my duty without resentment and anger in my heart. Some, or even most of what I do, I do not want to do. But I know in my mind and heart, to right the wrongs of my universal timeline it must start with me.

    I read a book called The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. Absolutely one of the best books I have ever read!! We are continuously attacked in our minds. Through parents, siblings, outside family, TV, advertising, school, and teachers. And while it is not the intent of most to be harmful, the powers of the universe often have other intentions!!

    Do you ever wonder how two siblings can be raised by the same parents yet one is successful in life but the other struggles?

    Most will say it’s individual perspective. But is that really true? What if the universal powers at play are choosing a trade off? One can be successful but one cannot?

    Is the one that struggles more in life destined for some kind of great battle in the future. Is the heartache and pain endured in this life preparing you for what may come next?

    As we have no true idea what I our journey looks like beyond our physical here and now, is it possible that we go to war with other spiritual beings in the next level of our life journey while others enter the gates of the kingdom to be kept safe by the warriors on the outside?

    I simply do not have those answers. But I ponder them. I ponder all the evil I see and the evil I don’t. Why do some people seem to have a disproportionate dish of meanness in their lives and yet others float through life never knowing what a real struggle is? They never have to overcome abuse or have struggles of any kind. I’m talking about life changing struggles, not that they got a B in math. They graduate, go to college and live an average successful life.

    As I said, particularly around the holidays I feel more disembodied. But it’s not only the holidays. I have many days when I feel like I’m doing a complete do over. I have de ja vue regularly and I often smell some kind of cigar even though neither my husband or I smoke.

    I also have high levels of anxiety and feel stressed even while sitting still. My heart will race and I’ll break out in a sweat. I will have a panicked feeling. I imagine it’s PTSD from childhood trauma. The home was filled will alcoholic rage and violence most of the time when I was very young. My only refuge was my granny who passed when I was 11. After that it was a constant state of high alert until I left home at 18 but just days away of being 19.

    After my granny passed, is about the time my stepdad entered the picture. He would go on to adopt me and stood as a small buffer of things at home. Although, our relationship wasn’t great.

    This was mainly due to jealousy. I know that sounds crazy but it is what it was, I guess.

    I think the comment was “he’s my boyfriend, not yours”. After that I knew I had probably better start keeping to myself. If I caused too much trouble, there would be a divorce and then I’d be in for it.

    However, there were days when everything was ok. But that balance could be easily destroyed as soon as they hit the bar. Thank goodness it was mostly on the weekend. And as I got older and went to work, I didn’t have to be home with a lot of it. I would work extra shifts just to not be at home.

    Thankfully between school, work, and church time at home was limited. And even to this very day almost 36 years later, graduating from HS is still the happiest day of my life! It meant freedom was close. That the ties that bind could be torn loose and left behind.

    And here the universe stepped in again. College wasn’t meant for me.

    A big fight ensued of course. And as a result I was out of the house. And years of fighting between us became the norm.

    I, of course ended up pregnant and married. That’s what happens when you have no vehicle, no where to live, no money, and no one(family or friends) to help. The marriage would have been good but, he loved his drugs more than he loved me or his kids.

    It’s quite sad really. He was a good guy. Really funny and I enjoyed his company. He could have been more than he was in life. We were just two dysfunctional beings trying to make our way in life.

    Universe 1; me 0.

  • Is the Universe Mad at You?

    Is the universe mad at you? That is the question of the day isn’t it? When I started this blog, I had no idea what to write about. But I knew I wanted to reach people and to help them. The question was what is the best way to help them?

    Household cooking and cleaning hints are one way but that is a dime a dozen and they most likely know the same life hacks you do. But yet I post anyway because maybe there is a chance they get a new hack.

    Any yet, I still do not reach people beyond the surface. Which honestly, is not unusual for me as I hold most people at arm’s length anyway. So I have pondered for days the thought of sharing some of my story. My hope is that maybe they will realize they have intrinsic value and life is not as bleak as it often seems.

    Many that read this, if they do at all, will be surprised to have known me my whole life and yet truly have no clue as to whom I am. What my interests are or how I personally feel about myself, other people, and the universe in general. They will be even more surprised to read the events that have molded my life and general attitude.

    My original question was is the universe mad at you? And I honestly do not know the answer to that question. As I look back upon my life and the events that happened, the answer would seem most assuredly yes.

    It is a funny thing to know you should have never been in the universe. To have been an accident to people who had no real interest in being parents, being married, or even lifetime partners but, rather used as a trap for gain of personal want. To have family that know who you are and yet have no desire to acknowledge or accept your existence. As a result of this knowledge, the series of events throughout my life would be highly indicative of an upset universe.

    Now you may say that’s silly and that no child is an accident but that is simply not true. Even the benevolent God of the universe tells us plainly that time and chance happen to us all.

    When accidents happen, they disrupt the flow of positive energy. Especially when the “accident” began as a reason to try and trap a person into a lifelong, unwanted relationship. This is bad energy before you even enter into this universe.

    When an individual enters into that already negative flow it will follow you throughout your life. And it is a constant, tiring effort to overcome a universe that works against you. You will always feel as though you are flowing in the opposite direction of everyone and everything else. You will never feel as though you belong anywhere. Relationships will be exhaustive and most of the time unrewarding to you.

    I know that statement may be regarded as negative. However, uncomfortable truth is often received as such. This is a personal truth and not reflective of everyone or even all accidents.

    And I have no doubt that a “Karen” will have some kind of comment that means nothing because they cannot relate. The depth of understanding your own existence and mortality is a strange and odd experience that most are never able to reach.

    As I outline and detail some life events and only vaguely explain others, it will also become clear there is opportunity to overcome obstacles with obstacles.

    As I make this journey of sharing I hope this will help someone know they can overcome before they reach midlife. It has been a lifetime of learning for me. But my hope is that I can make someone else’s journey easier and definitely less painful….scars never go away but they do fade.

  • Consistency

    Wow! THAT word can mean a lot, from cooking to an individual person. And the definition might depend upon who you ask as to what it means.

    But ultimately being reliable, in a stable, firm state of mindful rest, doing the same chores day after day, and being dependable make you consistent.

    In turn people know what to expect, it gives them a safe space to come to when the world seems topsy turvey. And it takes practice, practice, practice to build consistency into your daily life.

    We know that young children need consistency to build habits for success in life. Young adults crave it in their ever changing worlds. They need that one source of stability to level out all the demands that life makes of them. And older adults are more at peace, having moved beyond the hustle and bustle of building families and careers.

    Consistency is a necessary skill in life and in cooking. We need a consistency of our cake batter in order for it to rise. And so it is with life. Consistency allows us to rise to the best version of ourselves.

  • Yep!! It’s that magical time of year!

    Boy!! When the holiday start it seems like everything rolls downhill! It’s hard to keep up with cooking and decoration changes.

    Work on making it simple! While I love the holidays, it can be a lot of work. I would suggest deciding on what decorations you really want to put out. As we will not be home this year, I am only decorating the inside of the house along with the wreaths that go on the doors. I’ll forego the outside lights this year.

    My granddaughters love to decorate the tree and while it’s not how I would do it personally, it’s done! Leaving me to do other things while they were busy telling each other where to put the bulbs! 😂😂

    Now on the Christmas gifts. I think ones that are made and come from the heart are the best. Given the present supply chain issue this year, candy, cookies, and other goodies will answer the call of gift giving.

    Everyone loves to get special treats as gifts that are absent throughout the year. Thus, making them that much more special when made and given. This can be anything from your special cookies to canned goodies! Banana nut bread in a jar, cowboy candy that can be used as a Spicy relish, and homemade candies will satisfy everyone’s sweet tooth avoiding gifts that no one really wants.

    Whatever your niche, find it and figure it out. There are blogs, YouTube, TikTok and so on that provide all kinds of ideas and directions if you don’t know where to start.

    And enjoy whatever you decide! The season is magical don’t make it work!

  • Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!

    Helpful hint! If you’re boiling eggs that you need to peel pretty for say deviled eggs…add 2 tbsp of baking soda to your water and bring to a boil. Add eggs and cook for 12 min. Turn off and drain hot water. Run cool water over them and peel immediately.

  • Getting started

    So getting started is hard huh? As a Cat, I have a tendency to dance to the beat of my own drum! Putting effort into a new adventure is just not in my nature as much as I love them when I get there.

    This will definitely be a work in progress and I have no idea where I will go from day to day! The world is so interesting and full of knowledge!

    However, as the holidays approach let me leave you some quick and dependable cleaning tips!

    Baking soda and vinegar will clean you disposal getting rid of any greasy residue and leaving it smelless! 😂😂 I’m pretty sure that’s not a word but again, I’m a cat soo🤷‍♀️.

    Also, there is a reason people used lemon pledge for polishing furniture! Not only is it an exceptionally conditioner for your wood, it also keeps bugs away! They simply do not care for that fresh lemony smell! Quick tip: it’s great for removing hard water spots in the shower and bathroom!

    Now on to the Lysol 409! This stuff is absolutely amazing!! If you have smokers in the house invest in a ceilio spin mop and 409! This will clean all the nicotine and leave the home some fresher. Unfortunately for smokers there is not a lot of hope your house will never not smell like an ashtray! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

    Tide and Shout! I have been the laundry queen for many a year! Thanks to these two cleaning products my kids had stainless clothes to wear to school😂😂! Add some borax and oxy clean and I can pass the crown to you!

    Blue Dawn dishwashing liquid really does cut the grease! I have a great dishwasher but during the holidays I try to give him a break! With all the holiday cooking keeping up as you go is important and Dawn will definitely help you!

    Lastly but not least is good ole Pine Sol! Again another reason it was used, critters do not like it but, who doesn’t love the smell of pine during the holidays? Highly recommend for floors and a shot in your washing machine will keep it fresh also!

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started